Emotional Resilience

Over 2018? This is For You

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Amita here. Admittedly, it's been a while since I’ve written. In the transition from coach to therapist, I finished graduate school, became a New York State licensed Social Worker, and spent the past year providing counseling for at-risk teenage girls.

See, I'm committed to personal growth. Both my own and the growth of others.

Sometimes it's not linear and it doesn't look perfect. It's a messy shitshow full of tears, late-nights, and half-completed projects. Needless to say, writing wasn't at the top of my to-do list. Not even close. 

But missing the mark taught me a valuable lesson-

We all get off track. It's how you get back that really counts.

I could spend another month beating myself up for not having perfect work-life balance 100% of the time…or, I could dust myself off, have some self-compassion, and get back at it. 

With the holidays in full swing, you're either:

  1. Drained from family time, work, and competing responsibilities.

  2. Over 2018 and getting ready for the year ahead.

  3. Some rotating combination of both the statements above.

So, here's what I've got for you:

If you're feeling drained, here's a guide to help you amp up your self-care.

And if you're done with this year and ready for a fresh start, here's a worksheet to help you set goals, take action, and maintain motivation.

I'll be in touch next week with more helpful tips.

Struggling with a problem? I'm here to help :) Shoot me an email at Amita@AlignedHolistics.com

3 Steps To Improve Your Emotional Resilience Now

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When I was 11 years old, I was obsessed with the Super Nintendo video game “Donkey Kong Country.” I was so into it that I ordered an over-sized DK T-shirt off the back of my cereal box that said “Tame The Beast.” After waiting the requisite & agonizingly long 6-8 weeks for it to arrive, I wore it for an entire summer. And since I just found it in, you can be sure it will make an appearance again soon.

Finding this T-shirt made me realize a few things:

  • I need to go through my closet more often
  • I still don’t have the patience to wait 6-8 weeks for something I want.
  • I need the fun distractions of childhood to help me cope with all the devastating news in the world right now. Something like a video game that caters to my adult interests.

Being the nerd that I am, it only took a quick Google to find the work of Dr. Jane McGonigal, author of the upcoming book “Superbetter.” And with all tragedies going on in the world right now, it seemed like perfect synchronicity that I would find her work on resilience. 

Check out her gamified quiz to determine whether you have enough positivity in your life (and how you can increase it!):

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The 3 Steps To Calculate Your Positive Emotion Ratio:

  1. Look over the emotional states listed in the diagram (right) and note how many from each box you’ve felt in the last 24 hours. If you’ve felt any of these VERY strongly or for more than a fleeting moment, count it twice.
  2. You should now have one number tallying positive emotions (PE) and one number tallying negative emotions (NE).
  3. Divide your PE by your NE to determine your Positive Emotion Ratio. For example, if you checked off 12 for your PE and 6 for your NE, 12/6=2.

Analyze your score:

  • If your score is higher than a 3, Awesome! Keep up the good work and amp up the self-care when you hit a rough patch.
  • If your score is 1-3, Try the activities below and address lifestyle issues.
  • If your score is lower than a 1, Try the activities below, increase social connection, and seek help if needed.

According to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a professor of Psychology at UNC Chapel Hill, your Positive Emotion Ratio is a good gauge of your resilience in times of stress. In other words, the more positive emotions you have on a daily basis, the more likely you are to bounce back when shit hits the fan.

And that brings us to the million dollar question...

How do you boost your score?

Dr. McGonigal suggests creating a power-up. For those of you who didn’t have a Donkey Kong addiction as a kid, these are the bonus items you collect that make you stronger. Engage in activities that create moments of happiness, strength, courage, and connection.

To increase your resilience, do 3 or more daily:

  • Go outside (don't worry, Netflix pauses)
  • Engage in physical activity
  • Call a friend
  • Watch a funny video
  • Name one accomplishment you're proud of
  • Sing (bonus points if you use a hairbrush or kitchen implement as a mic)
  • Write a letter of gratitude
  • Close your eyes and think back to a time when you felt happy & strong
  • Help someone
  • And as always, seek professional help if needed. 

What do you do to give your life a "power-up?"
Send me a message, I'd love to share your story with the community!

Can't Focus? The 5 Stupid-Simple Tricks To Deal With Distractions

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Since I get various forms of this question emailed to me each week, I thought I’d share (with permission, of course)

Dear Amita,

Help! I want to be productive, but I keep getting distracted. I check my email and suddenly an hour’s passed and all I have to show for it is a million open browser tabs (with articles I’ll probably never read), screenshots of memes, and a half-written email. What can I do to stay focused and actually get shit done?

-Cara, Florida*

Cara, you're not alone.

The black hole of the Internet has sucked the life (and hours) out of all of us. While you can’t make the World Wide Web disappear, you can take a few precautionary steps to stop getting caught in it. Let’s break down your question:

1. Define Productivity

When you say you want to be “productive,” what does that really mean? Most people sit at their desk thinking “it's time to do work” without any real action plan for what they’ll get done. It’s easy to distract ourselves or avoid starting an unknown, undefined, or unwanted task. Simply put, No plan = No work.  

2. Limit your Email

Checking email isn’t the same as working. Sure, it feels like work, but it doesn’t equate to productivity. The click-bait headlines tempting us to waste time/money is only half the battle. The bigger challenge is the false sense of direction our inbox provides. We see an unread message and think we need to take action, forcing us to sacrifice our priorities. Inadvertently, we address the urgent rather than the important. To combat this, only check your email after you’ve created your plan. Then, close/silence your email and adjust your plan only if absolutely necessary.

3. Shut it Down

Open tabs are distracting and overwhelming. Instead, bookmark them or copy the link to a document/virtual post it. Then, close down all tabs you aren't ACTIVELY using.

4. Live a Little

Memes are hilarious and oddly empathetic to the human experience. Make time for breaks. You’re a human, not a robot.

5. Break it Up

One of the many reasons we feel overwhelmed is because we add things to our To-Do list rather than taking immediate action.  This was a major pitfall for me until I began using the 2-minute rule: If a task (or email, in your case) takes less than 2 minutes, don’t push it off. Act now! If it takes longer or feels intimidating, break it down into bite-sized, actionable items. Not only will it be easier to start tasks and take consistent action, you’ll feel less stressed and more motivated.

If you spend more time on distractions than you do on work, check out these psychology-backed tweaks to jumpstart your focus and productivity. 

(I post this cheat sheet above my desk…just in case!)