There are moments when we forget that we deserve to be happy. We slide back into playing small or choosing fear in subtle ways.
Maybe we stay at a job we can’t stand because we fear we can’t get a better one. Maybe we sacrifice what we want to make other people happy. Maybe we forget that joy is just as important as work.
No matter the reason, sometimes we forget that happiness is our purpose. During these times, it’s easy to lose our sense of self. After all, we’ve forgotten our Truth.
So how do you find your way back from a fear detour?
1. Get a little full of yourself.
Admitting you have gifts and honing them doesn’t make you a narcissist. It isn’t until we acknowledge our strengths that we begin to live from a place of self-love rather than a constant need for external validation.
2. Dream on!
Your dreams matter just as much as anyone else’s. No, you aren’t being the bigger person when you give up what you want. Don’t call it compromise if you’re going to secretly (or not-so-secretly) resent the person afterward. It’s so much easier to be the martyr and give up your life rather than to own what you want and state it. If you have a dream or passion, it’s there for a reason. What’s truly selfish is continuing to play small. Following your dreams doesn’t mean you abandon people, it means you find ways to take steps in the right direction and live as your authentic self.
3. Draw a line in the sand.
Your boundaries are important. Your intuition is your internal compass. When you ignore it, you’re playing a game of Russian roulette. You’re going to go off, but you won’t know when. Often, we blur our boundaries to postpone conflict. The truth is that we’re equally responsible. How can we expect people to honor the boundaries we don’t set? For more information on relationship contracts, click here.
4. Say something.
If you think people will like you more for not speaking up, you’re dead wrong. For years I didn’t express myself for fear that if people discovered who I was, I wouldn’t be loved. Sounds crazy because it is. When I am my true self, I have closer and healthier relationships. Not just because I’m awesome, but because I’m unapologetic when I state my (often offensive) opinion. Sure, there will be people who don’t like you, but was it really worth all the work impressing them? People want to meet the real you so why work so hard to keep them away?
5. Get help.
Your support system is what keeps you going. Find friends, mentors, or a coach who will hold you to your highest vision of yourself. Reach out to them. A lot. You don’t need to feel guilty about it. We all need the support and occasional nudge to remind us that we’re worth it.
I want to hear from you! Have you had a fear detour? What helped you to get back on track?
Share your story in the Comments Section below!