Why Self-Love is Not Selfish


All I've been reading lately is Valentine's Day tips that suck. Seriously, I don't care where to buy the best chocolates or new moves to turn a guy on.

Valentine's Day is supposed to be about love.

And that starts with self-love.

After all, if you can’t love yourself, how can you really love anyone else?

I use the words “self-love” a lot, and thought it was time to define it.

So let’s set the record straight.

Self-love is not selfish. Screw dictionary.com’s definition.

This dated definition is the reason we don’t love ourselves:

"Self-love [self-luhv] 

  1. the instinct by which one's actions are directed to the promotion of one's own welfare or well-being, especially an excessive regard for one's own advantage.
  2. conceit; vanity.
  3. narcissism." 

It’s no wonder we have such a hard time choosing to love ourselves before we love others. On a very deep level, we’ve been conditioned to believe that we don’t deserve it, that it’s wrong, or that it’s selfish to care for ourselves.

And nobody wants to be seen as selfish.

But here’s the truth:

There’s no difference between the love that you give to yourself and love that you give to others. Love is love. Yup, it’s that simple.

If loving others is beautiful, then so is loving ourselves. 

Can you imagine telling someone you care about that loving themselves is selfish? Of course not!

So here’s your assignment:

Write yourself a love letter. Not on a napkin. Not on an old receipt. Take out a piece of paper and actually write yourself a letter. Give yourself a dose of the love you’ve been giving to others for so long and see how it feels. It may be uncomfortable, but that just means you’re doing the right thing. After all, in discomfort is where we grow. And until you’re able to receive your own love, you’re sure as hell not going to be able to give it to anyone authentically.

What do you do to love yourself?
Share your self-love tips in the Comments section below!