How to Spot an Unhealthy Relationship

The theme for my clients this week has been letting go of toxic relationships. This got me thinking about my relationships, wondering "What makes a relationship healthy?" It can be challenging to spot the signs when you're in the midst of romantic dinners, handmade cards, and mind-blowing sex.

So, I took a look back at the shitty things I've done and had done to me to present you with these 5 Signs:

1. Giving to Give vs. Giving to Get

When we love, we give of ourselves without the expectation of return. We give out of compassion, empathy, and mutual respect. In an unhealthy relationship, giving is used as a tool to get something in return. 

2. Loving Him for Who He Is vs. Loving Him for His Potential

In a healthy relationship, we love our partner for who he is at that exact moment. We work to learn more about him. In an unhealthy relationship, we work to change our partner to be what we want or love him for the person he could one day become.

3. A Safe Space vs. No boundaries

A healthy relationship creates a private world where both parties can share themselves in a safe and protected space. Your experiences together and deep knowledge of each other are guarded in that space. In an unhealthy relationship, your weaknesses, intimate details, and secrets are shared with others or become the punch line of a joke.

4. Fight to Fix vs. Fight to Win

In a healthy relationship, a fight is a tool to settle a dispute. There is real effort on both sides to see the other person’s point of view, understand each other's feelings, and work toward an equitable resolution. In an unhealthy relationship, fights turn into power plays and opportunities for payback.

5. Common Ground vs. Competition

In a healthy relationship, both parties have a shared vision and goal for the future. Actions are taken to support one another in reaching that goal. Each win is considered a win for the team. In an unhealthy relationship, there’s a competition to outdo the other. It is filled with self-interest and demands that one must sacrifice his dreams rather than achieve them.

The Takeaway:

While there are many tools to spot an unhealthy relationship. It comes down to connecting with your true self and making a heart-centered choice. At the end of the day, a healthy love should leave you feeling energized whereas an unhealthy love leaves you feeling drained.

Share your story and tips with the Community in the Comments section below!