What's Really Making You Unhappy?

I love the Internet. In addition to being an endless source of puppy videos, it’s an outlet that allows us to share ideas with the world. So, being the coach and happiness junkie that I am, I have a Google alert set for the word “happiness.”


Each day my inbox is filled with ideas of happiness that are either material, fleeting, or edible.

Most of our goals in life relate to finding some version of lasting happiness, yet we are conditioned to believe it’s a brief reaction to an event. Whether that be due to our belief in lack, modern psychology’s view of emotions, or our lack of resilience, we are taught that happiness is a goal to pursue. In reality, it’s a lifestyle. It’s a choice.

So how do you choose differently?


Most people think an event occurs causing us to feel happy, sad, or some other emotion. In reality, an event occurs, it meets our internal dialogue which then causes an emotional response. Our internal dialogue is made of those unconscious beliefs we picked up early in life and comes in two forms: what we want and what we want to avoid. For example:

  • If you look at money from a place of abundance, you focus on becoming rich and what you’ll do with your wealth. You naturally feel good and develop the traits and skills to get more of what you want.
  • If you look at money from a place of lack, you focus on never having enough. You block yourself from making the right choices and receiving wealth.


Some people are constantly focused on what they don’t want. They tend to feel stressed, sad, and angry. But before you get annoyed by the fact that they are bummers to hang out with, consider that on some level they are trying to protect themselves, thinking, “The world isn’t safe. If I have something, it will be taken away.” At an early age, this became a belief to manage expectations. In reality, whatever we believe, we will see.  We attract more of what these unconscious thought patterns say than what we say to the world.


Most of us have mixed associations and internal dialogues. At times we focus on what we want and at times we focus on what we want to avoid. Why? Our threshold for stress. When stress is below this threshold, we are happy, focused on what we want, and what brings us pleasure. When stress is above this threshold, we are unhappy, focused on what we don’t want, and what brings us pain.

Do This!

So here’s my challenge for you: Look at an area of your life that isn’t working well.

  1. What is your internal dialogue saying that’s causing you to be unhappy?
  2. Are you focusing on what you want or what you want to avoid?
  3. How would this area look different if you approached it from a place of abundance?

Share your story by emailing me at Amita@AlignedHolistics.com or in the Comments section below!