Why You Aren't Attracting The Right People

One of the questions I often get from clients is “As I shift into my true self, how do I attract people who mirror the new me?”

It’s an interesting issue that got me thinking about my relationships and business. As I began to align with my authentic self, my life transformed. Many of my unhealthy and codependent relationships fell away, but some still remained. Why was that? Was it preventing me from creating space for the right people? How could I clear that out to attract bigger & better?

The answer is that attraction is a 2 phase process:

Phase 1: Remove The Obstacles

There are 2 Principles that inform where we are before we can work on attracting new people:

  1. We attract people who mirror where we are.
    Whether it was in my business or relationships, everyone who came into my life mirrored and confirmed where I was in my journey and my beliefs about myself. I had to shift my perception of myself in order to move through this. 

  2. We accept the love we think we deserve.
    Ugh. This one was big. Even though I was getting healthier, I didn’t think I deserved any better. I was in a cycle of thinking that drama-filled love and flaky clients was all I truly deserved. A strong self-love practice helped me to cultivate better self-esteem.

As you begin to see yourself more clearly, you can get rid of old baggage and create space for new people to come in.

Phase 2: Attract The Right People

  1. Get a better sense of who you are instead of who you pretended to be.
    Guess what? I’m not cool. I was tired of playing the role of “cool girl” for years. I will always choose a quiet meal and Harry Potter (or some magic/sci-fi book) over a night at a trendy bar. There, I admitted it.
  2. Get a sense of what you truly want.
    A vague sense of what you want tells the Universe that you’ll settle. Besides, how will you know when you are bringing in the right people if you don’t even know who they are!
  3. Be the person you want to be with.
    For years I looked to others to “complete” me. I wanted someone who was cultured, smart, or had other qualities I felt that I lacked. It wasn’t until I realized I could be all those things and actively worked at them that I met others who aligned with me. Often we look outside ourselves when we can simply look within. Since like tends to attract like, it's time to be what you truly want.
  4. Say no.
    When the Universe sends you someone crappy, you don’t need to settle. Saying “no” to them, is saying “yes” to yourself, creating more space for others to enter.
  5. Don’t be so attached to the form, that you can’t see the content.
    Things don’t always look how we imagine they might. Just because you crafted a vision board with one of those Ryan Gosling Kale Memes, does not mean the right lover or client will look exactly like that. Be open to the possibility that quality content comes in unexpected packages.

Attraction is a step-by-step process. And while it may not happen overnight, it starts with you. It’s your responsibility to create the life you want. Each decision and action you take today shapes your future. So ask yourself, “What do I truly want and am I ready to create the space for it?” 

What do you want to attract? Share your story in the Comments Section below!